That's Just Who I Am
by ILoveJess1
Summary: *REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT A/N, PLEASE PLEEEASE READ!!!*


Disclaimer: I don't own the characters! If I did, I'd have Jess, so I would be overjoyed and dancing instead of writing!  
  
Spoilers: Nope. I don't even have an exact episode that this would be starting from. Jess and Shane are still together, as are Rory and Dean *ducks from the objects being thrown* Don't worry, you all know that I'm totally a literati!! It's close to the end of the school year.  
  
A/N:Despite true me-fashion, Rory and Jess are just friends, not even friends, but they'll become really good friends, then they'll probably fall in love(we'll see how long I can last)! There is more plot than romance in this one though. I so don't want to hear if they're not in character, blame the journey of self discovery. Just count on OOC that way if I accidentally fall in character, you'll be surprised! Also, this is another one of those on-a-whim stories, so if it sucks, sorry.  
  
SUMMARY:Rory and Lorelai are starting to grow apart as Rory stumbles upon a road to self discovery. Mom can no longer help her on her path, but despite what Rory thinks, she needs someone. Imagine her surprise at finding out that Jess can help her through this.  
  
THAT'S JUST WHO I AM.   
  
chapter one~ I'M SO HAPPY THAT I CAN'T STOP CRYING.  
  
*  
  
I ran out to the mailbox, Mom trailing behind me.  
  
"Is it here?" she asked excitedly.  
  
"I don't know." Why am I not excited? This is Harvard. HARVARD. I'm just nervous, that has to be it.  
  
"Open the mailbox." she said eagerly.  
  
"I don't want to." she has no idea how true that is.  
  
"Fine, I will." she slowly opened the mailbox. She peered inside."It's here!"  
  
"Boy, you'd think it was your letter."  
  
"It's here! Rory, this is HARVARD! It's here!"  
  
"Great." I took a breath. "Get it out."  
  
"It's the big envelope! Oh dear, it's the big one."  
  
She handed me the big envelope with the Harvard emblem. "It's here." I said, my voice just above a whisper.  
  
"Open it, open it!"  
  
I carefully opened the envelope. I pulled out the letter and quickly read the words.  
  
"Well...?" she asked.  
  
I read the words again, expecting them to register.  
  
"Rory?" her smile faded.  
  
I frowned slightly. I reread the answer, the defining moment of my future. At least it was supposed to be.  
  
"Honey?" her voice hinted at worry.  
  
"I...I..." I read it again. Come on, register. Jump, cry, do something!  
  
"Oh honey," she mistook my silence for rejection. "It's okay," she tried to comfort me.  
  
"I...got in." I finally said.  
  
"You got in!?! You got in! Of course you got in!" she was ecstatic now.  
  
I offered a smile. "I got in." I repeated.  
  
"Of course you got in! All those years of dreaming and studying, and you got in!"  
  
"Yeah. I did. Imagine that."  
  
"Sweetie, you got in!" she told me.  
  
"I know!"  
  
"Let's....do something! Oh my gosh, you've got to call Dean."  
  
I accidentally groaned.  
  
She stared at me.  
  
"Oh, right! I've got to go call Dean." I plastered on a smile.  
  
She was so excited that she quickly forgot about my lack of enthusiasm and dread groan.  
  
I walked into my room with my phone in hand. Once I reached my room and shut the door, I just stood there staring at my Harvard wall. I walked over to it and slowly and carefully looked it over. There was a picture of me as a little girl, at Miss Patty's dance studio cheering for Harvard. There was one of me pretending to study in a dorm room from our roadtrip. A snapshot that we took of one of the libraries. Pictures that I had cut out of the catalogs that I ordered faithfully every year since I was 9. Pennants that read Harvard on them, all kinds of Harvard memorabilia. My life had revolved around me getting into Harvard, and now I did and you'd think that I just got a letter informing me that the new Britney Spears CD just came out.  
  
"What's wrong with me?" I mumbled as I slid down my wall, cradling the phone. "I just got into HARVARD."  
  
I stared at the phone. I have to call Dean, and Lane, and Grandma and Grandpa, and my dad, and...everyone. They're all going to be so happy, so proud. I slowly dialed Dean's familiar number.  
  
"Hello?" Came his voice on the other end.  
  
"I just got my letter from Harvard." I announced.  
  
"You did?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And...?" he asked.  
  
"I got in." I said.  
  
"You got in? That's great Rory! Wow! Aren't you excited?"  
  
"Of course. I've reached a new level of excited." I said.  
  
"You sure? You don't sound so excited."  
  
"I think I just went into shock a little bit."  
  
"I knew you could do it. Wow, this is great Ror!"  
  
"Yeah! Well, I have to go celebrate with mom, but I had to call you."  
  
"Okay, well, maybe we can celebrate later."  
  
"Maybe. I've gotta go bounce off the wall or ceiling or something!" I said.  
  
"Okay, bye. Don't hurt yourself bouncing." he teased.  
  
"Bye."  
  
"I love-" I hung up.   
  
I just got into Harvard. I don't understand me. I'm getting everything I've ever wanted, why...never mind.  
  
I put on a smile and bounced out to Mom in the livingroom.  
  
"Hey kiddo! Call Dean?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"You guys gonna celebrate?"   
  
"No. We need to go to Luke's." I said.  
  
"Oh, right! We have to tell Luke." Mom realized.  
  
"Right."  
  
"Let's go." she pulled on my arm and we were out the door. "Okay, coffee and gloating, let's go."  
  
We got to Luke's. I hoped Jess was with Shane, because I so could not deal with his cold shoulder right now.  
  
"Lukie! We need coffee! For the special little lady right here. And Rory too of course."  
  
Luke rolled his eyes."You are addicted to coffee." he said.  
  
"Yes, but you know you love me anyway. Because if it weren't for-" her cell phone rang. "Damn." she answered it. When she was done she looked to me apoligetically.  
  
"What?" I asked.  
  
"The inn. But I'll call back and tell him that I'm busy celebra-"  
  
"No." I cut her off before she could finish and get people asking why we would be celebrating. "He wouldn't have called if it weren't important." I said.  
  
"But, we need-"  
  
"You can go. We can continue this later." I smiled cheerily.  
  
"Okay," she smiled at me, "I'll see you later." she ran out the door.  
  
I sat down at the counter. I stared at the empty cup. I barely even realized that Jess started to come over to me armed with a sarcastic comment.  
  
"Do you want-" he stopped and reconsidered as he slightly frowned, "A roadmap." he finished.  
  
"What?" I asked, thoroughly confused, but pasting on an 'I got into Harvard' smile.  
  
"What's wrong?" he tried to stop himself before asking, but apparently failed.  
  
"Nothing's wrong. Everything's great. Could I just get a cup of coffee?"  
  
"You look...never mind. I guess. Here you go." he poured it.  
  
"What?" I asked sharply.  
  
"What?" he asked.  
  
"You look like you wanted to say something." I said.  
  
"Why would I want to say something to you?" he asked. Ouch.  
  
I slighty narrowed my eyes. "Gee, I don't know. But you'd think someone would tell you when you turn into a disease. There are worse things to talk to, you know."  
  
"Can you think of any examples to back that statement up?" he asked bitterly.  
  
"Sure can. Yourself." I stood up. "Forget the coffee." I tried to turn away before he saw a tear fall, but he, being as observant as he is, caught it.  
  
"Rory, wait." he softened.  
  
But I was already up and at the door, angry that he saw me shed a tear.  
  
I no more than got outside the door and I felt his hand on my shoulder,"Rory," he kept a gentle but firm grip on me, even once I had turned to face him.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I didn't mean to...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry."  
  
"You didn't." I replied hastily as I tried to break away from his grasp.  
  
"Rory."  
  
"I'm fine." Another tear fell.  
  
"So, you're crying for the fun of it?"  
  
"Leave me alone." I went to jerk away, but he had other plans, and since he was stronger than me, we followed his.  
  
He pulled me closer, "Come here." he tried to pull me in for a hug to comfort me, I guess. At first I tried to fight against him, but that proved to be futile, so instead I gave in and clung to him, as I softly, and for an unknown reason, cried. "It's okay." he didn't know why I was crying either, but he just held me close and let me cry into his chest. After a few minutes I realized that we were right in the middle of Stars Hollow with me crying into Jess' chest. Oh geeze, what if people see? What'll they say? I slowly pulled away, now really embarrassed.  
  
"I don't know what's wrong with me." I forced a smile, but he looked concerned. "I'm really okay."  
  
"Not really." he disagreed.  
  
"I am. I think I just had an emotional overload today or something. I'm good."  
  
"No, you're not." he said softly but honestly and firmly.  
  
"No, I am. I'm really happy. Ecstatic actually." I widened my smile.  
  
He still didn't look convinced.   
  
"I got my letter from Harvard today." I explained cheerily.  
  
"You did?"  
  
"I'm in! I got accepted." I said smiling as big as my face could possibly stretch.  
  
He cracked a smile,"That's great."  
  
"Yeah, I'm really, really excited, so actually, I need to tell Lane, because she doesn't know yet."  
  
He knew this wasn't over, but he could tell that I was NOT going to go there right now. I was too busy pretending to be cheery. So he just nodded, pretending to buy it. "Okay, well, congratulations."  
  
"Bye." I turned, but quickly turned back,"Um, could you not tell anyone about..."  
  
"Your emotional breakdown?" he supplied. "Of course I won't, I didn't last time." And he turned and walked back into the diner, leaving me watching him until I couldn't see him anymore.  
  
I guess I must have hurt him, but it was not an emotional breakdown. Or maybe it was. I mean that's not me. I don't skip school and go to New York to see anybody, especially not a guy that I'm not even dating. And I don't yell at my grandmother about a guy. And I don't kiss guys that every person in my life would disapprove of. And I should never hang out with a guy that my boyfriend and Mom hates. I should be with Dean right now. And I most definitely should not be crying. I'm happy. Can't you tell?  
  
*  
  
A/N: Hey people! I know this story is a little different from most of my stories, but I decided to try it. Can't hurt, can it? Oh well, if it stinks, I'll just live with it. Please let me know if you like it! You know how! PLEASE REVIEW!! I'll try to update it soon, but I can't update anything else until I update No Regrets, I wasn't supposed to write this before I updated that story, so for Easter I want...self discipline! And reviews of course!! 


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